Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
