What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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