Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
