I accidentally had phone sex last night
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
