I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
