On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
