my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
