when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
