let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
