She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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