Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
