He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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