Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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