It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
