i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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