Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
