why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
