Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
