Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
