im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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