ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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