but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
