i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish I only lived at night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
