capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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