She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
