Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
pop tarts are not kleenex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
