Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
