Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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