I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
