Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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