It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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