Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
