I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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