she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
