Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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