I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
