According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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