and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
