and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
