I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
