guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
