vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
