I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
