That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize