We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
