my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
