I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
false alarm, still single
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