My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
