fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
