and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
