i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
