I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
