so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
