they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
