if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You should frame my arrest warrant.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize