If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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