It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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