Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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