That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
