omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
