matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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