Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
