Don't make out with my wife yet
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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