yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
