Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
