Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize