So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
