I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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