I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
