It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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