This is not my ceiling
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
