It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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