sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
