Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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