just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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